Nothing...February 11, 2010

Alright...I think I had totally psyched myself up for the 10th or 11th and now...nothing. Contractions are the same as they've been since November...actually, even less intense than when I've gone in the few times!

Last night, the 10th, I had a melt down...a full on, Kindlee-style melt down...it was horrible and wonderful at the same time. It was a GREAT release of emotion...it feels great to just let your body sob and throw itself about. However, my lungs and throat were so sore from crying that hard and using so much air...it was intense...I'm pretty sure Chad was considering committing me...until he started to laugh at me... I was upset that nothing was happening...I know, I know...the intellectual side was like, "Are you KIDDING me?!?! Your due date isn't even until the 28th...you were on bed rest, but that doesn't mean ANYTHING...get a grip." The emotional side was in upheaval...how could this be happening to me?! I'd been praying, drinking my tea, walking, eating spicy foods...ALL the pieces had been done to put me into labor, and nothing. These dates are perfect for having the baby...the kids are out of town, having a blast, taken care of, and coming back in a few days...the timing was perfect...yet nothing. So after my tantrum I headed for the bath and gave myself a talking to...and prayed...A LOT

Today I was a little better, until I went out and about...I know that a lot of people ask "Haven't you had that baby yet" and they are kidding...other people are not. Regardless...at this stage of the game, its not what I need to hear....there are two primary reasons:
1. I'm already discouraged and that question makes it worse.
2. I'm not even due until the 28th...so back off.
So, I got a fair # of those... and started to lose my "zen-like" state...I was so thankful that I met up with Nancy who does treatments and helps clear blockages...she gave me some words to focus on and they have made all the different this late afternoon/evening. The words I"m focusing on are:
* devotion
* trust
* true
* birth
When I repeat them to myself or focus on their meaning its incredibly calming and I am so thankful that we met up today and she could assist me...I needed it, badly!

For the next few days, while the kids are gone, I'm going to focus on getting their photos organized and updating their journals...I have a Dr. appointment tomorrow and am going to bring my Birth Plan and will hope for a GREAT appointment where he says I"m making LOADS of progress. ;)