REALLY trying

Okay, Chad's family is here and I had the gift of an afternoon and (most) of an evening entirely to myself...it was incredible. I chatted with Hope and Erin on the phone, did some emails, played solitaire, and started to work on my Christian Ed. lessons for upcoming weeks of Sunday School...but somehow I CANNOT seem to stay focused...I keep googling things like, "I gave birth at 32 weeks" and "I gave birth to twins without knowing it", or stranger yet, "I gave birth without knowing I was pregnant"...WHY AM I DOING THIS?!?!?!? I'm frustrated with myself for not getting focused. I WANT to get this done. I NEED to get this done. I keep promising myself little cookies if I can just get a piece written, but so far...no dice. Maybe blogging will help me get over the procrastination? I have been putting this off knowing that I would have this time to really focus and not have to neglect possible time with the kids to do it...yet, here I am, completely absorbed in thinking about Baby #4....will it come early? If it does come early, will it be okay? What would we have to do to make it okay? Will I know the warning signs if somethings not right? What are we going to name it? If its a boy are we going to circumsize? How I wish I weren't on bed rest so I could throw a Birthday party for L....I wish I could have my own Birthday party....IT DOESN'T END. I need to focus. So I shall....once I go and get a candle to burn...that would definitely give me a sense of calm...right?! THEN I'll focus. I WILL write at least three lessons before I get up to go to bed. Done and done.