In the Beginning....

Well, my dear husband, Chad, and I watched Julie and Julia the other night...I was intrigued by her blogging and the ability to just throw her experiences out into the universe...whether its read or not no longer matters, just the ability to let it go out of you and if it elicits response, fine, if not, that's fine too. Then, in reading my bed rest books and experiencing the last four weeks I keep reading/hearing to reach out to others and to journal about your experiences...so, here I am...with a blog. Never thought I'd actually have one...I don't think I've read more than a few blogs in my entire life, but here I am.


My hope is to journal about my experiences with bed rest and chronicle this experience for my darling Baby #4...I do keep a journal for the other three kids on my computer, but somehow this feels different...I suppose the thought that someone might read it...their journal is for them when they are much older, and for myself to keep track of these crazy days of their childhoods!


So, I guess I should start by telling about me/our family...

I'm a thirty year old Mom living in Northern Minnesota with my husband of 9.5 years, three children ages 6, 4, and 23 months. I work part time as the Christian Education Director at our church, homeschool the older two children, and own and operate a wedding and event planning business. I enjoy singing, playing piano, and musical theater. In the past I have coached high school cheerleaders, taught piano lessons, and helped co-direct musicals at the high school. Prior to moving to northern Minnesota Chad and I worked as Co-Program Directors at a Bible Camp in southern Minnesota and before that worked as elementary teachers in North Dakota. As we've added children to our lives it seems that my life has become more and more centered here at the house...now it is almost solely focused within these walls....I am still deciding what that means!


About Baby #4...

On November 18th, at 25 weeks, I was working at the church in the morning for release time...I came home around 10 a.m. and was here with the kids; doing lessons, cleaning up, and preparing for the afternoon. I had been having some Braxton-Hicks Contractions, but just ignored them and kept on working...at 12:45 p.m. I ran the kids to a day care. It was their first time going to day care and our first time utilizing this gal...it was a weird experience for me, but they were excited to see all the toys and other children....I assured the gal that we'd be back to get the kids around 5 p.m. (I had rehearsal after release time and I'd decided to pay the little extra not to have to bring them with me!). I headed to the church for our staff meeting and afternoon release time. During the staff meeting, while sitting still...I noticed that the contractions were about every 5 minutes...and my back was aching...when I stood up to go get some water I noticed my pelvic area was aching too...not very Braxton-Hick like! Still, I was only 25 weeks and never had any issues with the other three children, so I just kept working. Finally, around 1:45 I decided to just give a call to our OB Clinic...I left a message for the gal and kept on working....my cell phone rang VERY shortly and after a brief, urgent discussion with the nurse I told my adult volunteers I was on the way out, grabbed Chad, made arrangements for someone else to pick up the kids, and we headed to the Birthplace....an hour away. During the ride the contractions picked up to every 2 minutes.


We arrived around 3:15 p.m....got hooked up, did a urine sample, a blood work, and had my cervix checked (have determined that I'm going to use actual terms...if you're not up for it, you'd rather not continue reading!)...the nurse felt I was at a 2-3....yikes! They tried terbutaline to get the contractions under control....didn't work. I got crazy cold and my heart was beating so fast...it was awful...and did NOTHING to stop the contractions. So, they did magnesium sulfate, which did succeed in making the contractions irregular. I was then checked by the doctor...she assured me that only my external was a 2-3...and at least 1 cm of that was probably caused by the two (our oldest was born by c-section) girls passing through and it not going back to its normal size. What a relief! To know that the internal was closed was a blessing...the other encouraging news was that our fetal fibronectin was negative, and when they sent us down for an ultrasound it showed cervix length that wasn't great, but was plenty long. So, we went to sleep with some good news.


At 7 a.m. on the 19th they took away the magnesium sulfate as the contractions had ended during the night. However, within 15 minutes I was having regular contractions again. This was when talk of bed rest began....AND when they tried niphedipine...10 mg to start...this kept the contractions at 10 minutes apart....we stayed at that until the evening when it was upped to 20 mg. I was checked again in the evening and the doctor felt there wasn't any significant change....so I went to sleep....waking every 20 minutes or so with a contraction. During the morning my Mom had taken our other three children to her home...they were scheduled to go and spend the weekend with my parents anyhow, so the timing was good in that area.


We woke on the 20th with a visit from the doctor...at that time I showed her my bed rest "proposal"...I know its nerdy, but the Type-A personality in me needed to know what bed rest would actually mean to my daily life. So, I wrote out a day and what I'd be doing throughout it and she looked it over, okayed, neyed, and basically helped to clarify what she wanted to see. Knowing what I couldn't do (and what I could) has been so helpful. Throughout the morning my contractions continued to be sporadic and since there was no change in my cervix I was released. We picked up some items at Target (me in the motorized cart), went to the church to get things organized for Sunday morning, and then to the house. It was weird to walk in to a quiet house, with no children running to greet us, however, two of my girlfriends had been there and cleaned (even washed the floors) and had left flowers on the table...what a blessing to have a clean space! Chad got everything in and put away, then headed back to work and I sat down in my chair.


I need to take a moment and write about "my" chair...as it is where I spend most of my time. I feel as though it should get some sort of homeage! First, it is special as we received it from Chad's late Aunt Charlene...she was an amazing human who loved her God and her family fiercely and always knew just what to say to make you feel encouraged and loved. She gave us the chair about 6 months before her death...it was supposed to be for the kids. They used it at first to read books in, and such, but quickly we all started to love the chair and it ended up in our living room. It is small in size...just the size for a normal sized adult to fit into...nothing extra on the sides. Its back only reaches to just below my shoulder blades when I sit in it, and it covered in a pink and white satin-feeling fabric. It came to us with wear, dirt on the arms, and a sense of having been loved by Auntie and her family before its arrival. As I have stated, it is where I spend most of my time...and was where I spent a lot of time before bed rest, to be honest! It is near my laptop where I do most of my work, emailing, and connection to family. When Chad and I watch a movie...I get the pink chair. :) Anyhow, it is wonderful to have the chair here as a source of support...I feel as though Auntie is hugging me from above, encouraging me to keep on going and keep this baby cooking. In short, I love my chair.


So, I sat in my chair and as I sat I realized that this was my life for the next 12 weeks...3 months...84 days...2016 hours...it stretched before me...ominious and unknown. If it hadn't been for Charlene's presence I think I would have sobbed hysterically...instead I made a phone call to a friend, checked email, and started list of things I wanted to get done on bed rest....somehow that helped me get through that first hour...and I honestly believe that was the hardest hour to date.

The weekend was spent alone, as Chad had a middle-school retreat that he had to attend....it was good to have time to just feel sad, upset, confused, and frustrated...how could my body betray me like this? I had three children before and ALL were either born on, or went into labor on, their due dates. Preterm labor? Really?! This was NOT me...my body was made for having babies...pregnancy isn't a medical condition...its just something my body can naturally do. Furthermore, I felt upset because I KNEW my body had been telling me to slow down...and I kept telling it to hang on four more days...in four days I would be done with my weekly Biblestudy and daily homework. In four days I would be done with the high school's musical. In four days I would be able to just be at home with the kids and do the normal tasks of work and home that led up to Christmas....it was just four more days. But, here I was...it was four days later and I hadn't gotten to finish Bible study, or the musical, and my life was going to have to be totally different from here on out.


Sunday morning I headed to church...a friend came and picked me up as I am no longer allowed to drive. Once there I dutifully got into the wheelchair, as I promised my Dr. I would. The people of our congregation love us and care for us and my heart knows that their comments and questions were all of them saying, 'We love you and care for you.', but my brain got annoyed with the questions and comments. It was wonderful to make it home again. In the afternoon Chad got home and we went and met my Mom to pick up the children. This weekend I made a point to Facebook at gal whom I had known in high school who I had heard was also on bedrest....what a blessing to be able to chat with her and hear her story.